Thursday, July 29, 2010

Journaling for a Cause Day 4

Funny that we should be asked to journal about happiness today. This has been a rough week. I'm convinced that the universe was conspiring against me so that I would not make it to my beach trip this weekend. I did survive, however, and I have a greater appreciation for what happiness means.

Wednesday, July 28, 2010

Day 3

I'm back-posting this, because we were without internet yesterday.

We were supposed to use a repeated image and alter it. I couldn't choose just one image, though, so I altered a few different images. I never was good at following directions...

Tuesday, July 27, 2010

Day 2

I do intend to write more blogs and not rely only on journaling posts. It's just that I'm having a rough week and I don't want to focus on that here. The good news, though, is that I'm off Friday and I am leaving Friday afternoon to spend the weekend at the beach for a friend's bachelorette weekend. I'm so excited!

On to today's journal page...

Today we were to write down our goals for this journal. I want to use my journaling time as a way to put more creativity into my life, a way to reduce stress (no thinking about work allowed when I'm working on my journal!), and I really want to become less critical of my art. I really dislike spending so much time on something and then hating it in the end.

Monday, July 26, 2010

Journaling for a Cause-Cover and Day 1

A new journaling journey. I'm so excited for this one!

Here is my cover. I chose a graph paper filled moleskine notebook this time. I decorated the cover with a white paint pen, and I may or may not add to the doodles on the front there.

And Day 1. This is the "welcome" page, where we were to use 5 adjectives to describe our life right now. I added adverbs to my adjectives, because I never follow directions very well.

Thanks for looking!

Thursday, July 22, 2010

Days 28-30--The End.

This is it! The last three pages.

Day 28. The prompt was what are you most looking forward to? I chose to focus on the near future rather than the distant future. A beach trip next weekend, spending more time with my boyfriend this weekend and in the months to come, and cooler weather. No more 100 degree days!

Day 29. I love this one. Write a letter to your past self or future self. I wrote a letter to myself at 19, almost 10 years ago. Here's the letter:

And the last page...

Day 30. What did you do this week that moved you closer toward reaching your goals? Right now, even though I graduated, I am in what is called my Clinical Fellowship. I have to accrue a certain number of hours under supervision (Not direct supervision. I have a supervisor who I am able to ask questions, and we have to have a certain number of actual contact hours, but for the most part I am on my own. She is in her own facilities, and I am in mine.), and each week I am gaining more hours and moving closer to my professional license. Exciting stuff.

This challenge was so much fun. I think it got me out of my comfort zone when it comes to doodling and handwriting and journaling. I am really looking forward to the next challenge.

Finished! Days 24-27

I had time today to finish up the rest of the prompts for the 30 Day Journal Challenge. I'm so glad I finished this challenge, even if I didn't do it one day at a time like it was meant to be done. Hopefully I will be able to keep up with the Journaling for a Cause prompts.

I'm going to break this up into two separate posts so there aren't a ton of pictures all in one post.

Day 24. This is actually prompt 25, but I mixed up this one and the one before it. The prompt was to pick a word or phrase that described your day and fill the page with it, using different fonts. This was the first word I thought of. I wish it was more positive.

Day 25. And this was actually prompt 24. What's your favorite place in the world? Again, went with the cliche here, but I couldn't think of a most favorite physical place. Guess I haven't found it yet.

Day 26. This day we were to write out our favorite recipe. This is definitely a favorite food, baked potato with cheese and ranch dressing. Yum. I could eat these every day and not get tired of them... and I would probably be shaped like a potato.

Day 27. If you could change one thing (about the world, yourself, your situation, your city, your country, etc...), what would it be? Self explanatory.

I'll finish up in the next post.

Wednesday, July 21, 2010

Days 19-23

Almost all caught up. I hate to feel like I'm rushing through the pages, but I want to be finished before Monday, when the Journaling for a Cause class starts.

Day 19. The prompt was to create a guide to your city or state. I have to be honest, the reason for the long lag between the last pages and this one is because I didn't know what I would put in a guide to my state, much less a guide to my city. I wouldn't recommend this small town for a vacation, is all. So these are a few of the things I like about Georgia, but there are truly some much better states to visit.

Day 20. What's in your bag? I just bought a new purse,this one, in natural. I love it. The contents are less than thrilling.

Day 21. The prompt was to write a favorite quote. I'm constantly bookmarking quotes I find online or writing down quotes I come across, like just about everyone else in the world. This is one I saw on Marta's website. I love it.

Day 22. Your favorite holiday. I don't know, I so wanted to not be a cliche and choose something other than Christmas, but I do love Christmas. I love decorating. I love choosing gifts for the people I love, especially when I find that one perfect thing. And I geek out over deciding my wrapping "theme" every year. Putting up a tree in my boyfriend's house last year right after I'd moved in was pretty awesome.

Day 23. Fill an entire page with one of the elements of art: line, color, shape, space, texture, or form. This is one of my favorites. When I was in an art class in high school, we had to fill an entire page with one continuous line, and for some reason I loved it. It's been a while since I've done it again, but I thought of it immediately when I read this prompt.

And that's it for now. Seven more prompts to go. Hopefully I can get them done this week. My caseload at work is extremely low right now. As in, I got a total of 1.75 hours today. Yeah, what am I even doing there? Not only do I hate my job, but I'm hardly making any money. Blah.

Wednesday, July 14, 2010

One day...

I will sleep better at night and be a lot less sleepy [and maybe less cranky] during the day.
(I am not sleeping well. I even tried Tylenol PM. It did not work)

My boyfriend and I will not have conflicting schedules and we will see each other more than just a few hours on the weekends.
(I miss my boyfriend. And there is no end to the conflicting schedules anywhere in the near future.)

I will worry less about my mom.
(Okay, I will probably always worry about my mom.)

I will have the things I've been waiting so patiently for.
(Sometimes I wasn't so patient with the waiting.)

Tuesday, July 13, 2010

Tuesday Confession

I hate my job.

I realize this is not exactly an original opinion. A good number of people hate their jobs, I know.

Brace yourself for another completely unoriginal thought.

It’s just that I spent far too much time, put in far too much work, and racked up far too much student loan debt to be working at a job I hate. Lots of people are in the same boat, right?

I think I’m suffering from the fear that I chose the wrong thing. More than once. See, I have a completely useless bachelor’s degree. One of those that you can’t really get a job in unless you continue on to [even] higher education. I sat around with that degree for a year and a half or so before deciding to try something else. Something pretty much unrelated. After finding out that I would need a second bachelor’s degree before I would be able to apply to graduate school, I decided to push forward anyway. I got the darn second [useless, on its own] bachelor’s degree. And this past May, I graduated with the coveted Master’s degree in my chosen field.

And I searched and searched for a job.

A big part of my problem--and I’m aware of this--is that I am not willing to move. I’m happy living where I am right now. So I am limited in my search radius.

I ended up settling for a job in a setting I have no desire to work in. I knew that when I took the job. But I was feeling a little pressured to just accept a job, already. Part of that pressure was coming from my ownself.

I thought I would start the job and it would grow on me, and people corroborated this. People in my field told me, “I so didn’t want to work in that particular setting, and I cried every day for a month, but I ended up loving it/liking it/dealing with it.”

Maybe I haven’t given it enough time. I started about two and a half weeks ago. But I cry every day, sometimes multiple times a day. I feel like I’m just going through the motions. It feels like nothing I am doing is benefiting the people I am supposed to be helping.

I’m not getting used to it. I’m not feeling any more comfortable.

If only there were one or two aspects of the job that I could look forward to [other than the paycheck yes I KNOW, yes I AM grateful to just have a job, yes I AM thankful for the good amount of money I am paid for this job, good grief stop POINTING THAT OUT, PEOPLE I KNOW], I think it would be more bearable. But it’s a) in a setting I have never had a desire to work in, b) with a population I have never had a desire to work with, and c) a lot of driving every day.

The driving is partly because the job requires some travel [30-45 miles per day between 2 or 3 facilities, depending on the day], and partly because the job is not exactly near where I live. I have to drive over an hour every morning just to get to the first place for the day. And I have to drive over an hour every afternoon to get back home. That, added with the travelling I do between facilities during the day, is a lot of driving. It got old after the first 3 days.

I am in a position where I pretty much have to keep this job for the next 9 months to a year. Finding a new job would create a new set of problems. That hasn’t stopped me from looking. Sometimes I think the new set of problems would be worth it.

So. I am trying to suck it up and just deal with this job for the time being. For the most part I am doing it quietly. I have a few close friends that I vent to, and of course my boyfriend gets to hear all about it every night. But even some of those close friends—friends I thought I could share my actual feelings with [as opposed to just saying “fine” when asked how the new job is going], have pointed out the things I mentioned earlier: “Well, at least you have a job!,” “Doesn’t the paycheck make it worth it?,” “Well, there’s not much you can do about it, just get over it.”

So I am confessing here, on my blog. And then I will try to deal with it silently. When asked how I like the job, I will lie and say it’s good. Only a select few will hear my true feelings.

Friday, July 9, 2010

Days 15-18

The latest batch of journal pages I've done. I'm going to try to get a few more done this weekend, since the boyfriend is working all weekend.

Day 15. This prompt was actually supposed to be a list of goals for the month, but because I'm so far behind and it's already a week into July, I decided to make some goals for the remainder of the summer.

Day 16. What are you wearing today? I wish I'd been wearing something more excited for this page, but this is pretty much my work uniform now. Khaki, black, navy, or dark brown pants with a company collared shirt. Since I don't have company shirts yet, I just wear a plain black, navy, or white shirt. Boring.

Day 17. Illustrate a day. This is my idea of a pretty perfect day. I could use a day like this. Like, now. I do have another beach trip coming up soon, so I'm looking forward to that.

Day 18. The prompt for this day was to create a playlist. I've been planning my imaginary wedding a lot (what? I have a lot of friends getting married, it's hard not to get caught up in it all!), so I've had love songs on my mind, potential songs to be played at the imaginary reception. And the majority of these are country songs. I go through phases of what kind of music I'm listening to at the time, and I've been in a country phase for a while. It happens. However, "When You Say Nothing at All" has been a favorite for a long, long time. "Don't" is the song that reminded me of the boyfriend when we first started seeing each other. It's my ringtone for him on my phone. And "Give Me That Girl" makes me think of us now.

Now I'm off to watch a couple of movies I got from the Red Box. If I don't fall asleep ten minutes into it. Having a job is exhausting.